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Bridesmaid Never the Bride




Why it is so important for a woman to get married? The bridesmaid dresses were standing there before her like an ancient relic. A reminder of the past of where she had worn them before. The one at Katherine’s wedding her cousin who was two years younger than her who got married, was the last one. Now Jane was the only one left unmarried and all she had were the dresses swashed together like passengers on the tube in the cupboard staring at her.
 
   ‘Don’t you want to get married?’ said Katherine to her. ‘I wonder why you haven’t met anyone yet’? Jane wanted to punch her, but refrained and held her fist tightly. She was always made to feel this way, that there was something wrong with her, and she didn’t have the answers as to why she wasn’t married. She was cornered at her wedding reception in the midst of the dancing, lights and music and she had been smug all night with her ‘perfect’ husband Kevin. Jane hated to go to the weddings, but recently she was being asked less and less as now a majority of the people she knew were married. Katherine was the last one before her and Jane was made to feel like an ornament that was left on the shelf and forgotten.
The dresses stared at her, she had meant to throw them out but hadn't got around to doing it, there was one that wasn’t a bride’s dress the one that was her wedding dress. She hadn’t had the heart to throw it away. It was sparkling away like a gem in the midst of all the others the one that she had brought when she had started to date Richard.


‘This is Richard Featherwood’  said Katherine, my colleague from university. She shook his hand and they got chatting straight away about books, movies and theatre. Katherine strolled in front of them both trying to phone Kevin who she had been only recently seeing. Richard and Jane left her as they walked away to a cafe and started to meet there regularly.


Every week Richard and Jane met, Jane felt butterflies in her stomach and her face blush each time she was met to meet him at Cafe Buerno around the corner of Picolo street. She would rush from work past the commuters and dash to the cafe to see him. She kept it quiet from everyone as she couldn't believe she had actually met someone she liked. He was handsome with brownish hair, green eyes and was caring and she laughed more than she could remember.


Weeks become months and Jane saw the shop Wedding Bliss and there was the dress. It was shining like a star in the mirror and it was lace, long and curvy so beautiful as though the dress was calling her name. She went into the shop the assistant came up to her.
‘How can I help you Madam’ she said poshly. Jane pointed to the dress in the window.
‘Excellent choice, congratulations madam, when’s the big day?’
‘June 15th’ blurted Jane. Her face blushed. She couldn’t tell her that she had just in to try on a wedding dress and wasn’t getting married. Jane went to the dressing room and tried it on and she looked like a queen. Her eyes felt moist and tears rolled down her cheeks, as she had only ever worn brides dresses this was the first time she was wearing a wedding dress.
‘You look beautiful’ said the shop assistant, when she came out to show her and then impulsively gave her her credit card out of her hand bag, it had cost her over £2,000 pounds. But maybe this time she would get to wear it as things were going well between herself and Richard.


She took it home and placed it beyond the bridesmaid's dresses hiding it and afraid that someone might see it or ask her about it. Her cheeks blushed again, finally she was going to get a chance to wear a wedding dress for real.
‘I’m getting married’ said Richard. Jane stared at him. She felt like a statue they were as usual meeting in the cafe, it had been six months since they had been meeting. ‘June 15th’. The date rang in her ears like a bell clanging constantly June 15th, June 15th, June 15th. She felt her eyes going sore and that she was going to cry ‘ her name is Harriet, you have to come Jane to the wedding, you have been such a good mate’ he said and squeezed her hand. Mate? Was that all she had meant to him for six months. She wanted to disappear somewhere to get up and run from the Cafe as she felt like a complete idiot and nodded to what Richard was saying. That wasn’t the last time she saw him.
‘Jane, Jane, this is Harriet’ he yelled over the music, standing next to a blond woman wearing a pink dress. Jane shook her hand as it felt like jelly and looked at Richard who has a stubble. She could see a small bump Harriet was carrying and wanting to be sick. Richard was going to have a baby. ‘You still working at the same publishing company then’? He shouted. Jane just nodded. He waved at some other couple across the dance floor and left her on her own.


She thought she would feel like a loser standing at Katherine’s wedding, as the only single person there as everyone was grinning or smiling and all she could visualise were her dresses in the cupboard. Why couldn't she get married? It dawned on her that other people had been making her feel this way. That she was a loser and the pressure of marriage. However  deep down she didn’t really want to get married. She looked at all the so called couples around her but felt free and happy not tied down to anyone.


The dresses stared at her on the grass in the light of the moon as it shone down onto them, the light of the match flickered in the wind as it moved hypnotically left and right over the dresses. Jane threw the match onto the bridesmaid dresses. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and wanted to end the questions and accusations of being single. The last to burn was her wedding dress the one that she had kept. It disintegrated slowly like a candle burning out as it joined into the rest of the bridesmaid dresses.

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