Patrick vs David

‘I can see the water underneath me. Whoops, ha ha, Patrick you are useless,’ said

David.

‘Shut up! David, leave me alone,’ said Patrick, ‘stop talking, it is a continuous

buzzing,’ he screams internally within himself.

   David was always there, like a wasp stinging into his brain, the constant ‘chatter’ was

there. He wanted to switch it off but he could not.

‘Have you tried mindfulness?’ asked Professor Lofney, with his glasses that he wore at

end the of his long nose that looked like a twig. He crossed his legs and sat in the chair.

He looked like a regal King and had a touch of superiority with his tone that was

pretentious. Patrick winced at the word mindfulness, he had tried that but it never

Worked. It was the new craze that applied around a method to sit down, breathe,

concentrate on the here and now.

   David would not let him sit still, he would regularly interrupt him take him away from

the moment. David was mischievous like a naughty child, distracting and making Patrick

feel afraid that something bad was going to happen.  Patrick could not still and the

mindfulness apps like ‘Headspace’ and ‘Insight timer’ did not work for him. He was

frustrated with being told to apply different methods which did not work on settling

David down. David didn’t care about that, he wanted to play, divert attention towards

the darkness:  fear, death and anxiety. Patrick as a result would feel sweaty, his heart

racing, pounding in his chest like a beating drum. Sleep was unable to come and

Patrick would lie away as David would colour his attention like a blackness of thick fog

which engulfed him as though it was a snake eating him.

‘Hmmm here are some more pills, take these instead’ said the Professor as he scribbled

away in his pad, admiring it as though it was a lover.

Pills thought Patrick, that’s all he was given, medication that he didn’t want nor did it

help David to settle down.

  Patrick left the Professor’s office and threw the pills in the wastebasket, the corridor

was white, no colours or distractions just a blandness. Patrick would meet the Professor

every week, but Patrick never felt better, as David could not be controlled.

    It was the same time this week, that he would have to meet the Professor. The

professor made Patrick feel the same, that David was never going to go away. The

Professor enjoyed David, as he made him feel important, that the Professor had a

‘special case’. Patrick had seen his reports by mistake. It was written ‘special case

Patrick’ in big red letters.

David had been there as usual all week, Patrick has felt agitated, difficulty in

concentrating and withdrew at work.

‘Hello Patrick’ she said. It wasn’t Professor Lofny. My name is Susan. Patrick looked at

her, she didn’t wear a white coat or had a notepad. But was wearing jeans and sat with

her legs crossed wearing trainers.

‘I can see how you look bothered, your face looks worn out and tired’ she said.

Patrick felt that was true, he hadn’t been sleeping for days, as David kept him awake.

‘What is troubling you?’ she said. Patrick didn’t understand, hadn’t she looked at his

notes he thought.

‘My notes….…’ stammered Patrick.

‘Oh those… I chucked them in the bin’. Your Professor if you may know was called

Chunk. Chunk, was his real name. Patrick could hear David inside him laughing.

‘So I am here for you if you want to share, or if you don’t then that is OK. Oh yes and you

don’t need to call me Professor’ she said smiling.

She was grinning the Professor never looked happy, only when he was writing with his

pen into the pad.

‘I…. feel….. worried all the time, flustered… and nauseous…’

‘I must be difficult to cope with’

‘Yes it is….David distracts me all the time….. He blurted out. Damn it, he thought he

had said the name accidently.

‘Who is David?’

Patrick didn’t say anything, he just sat there in shock. David laughed inside so loud, he

could hear him.

‘That’s right your palms feel sweaty now, she thinks you are loony’ said David inside his

mind.

‘What do you mean David, it’s only me and you in the room Susan’.

‘Patrick… be honest as least with yourself, I know that you can hear David inside your

head, but he isn’t real Patrick, he died along time ago do you remember?’

Patrick sat there and could hear David laughing inside his head ‘STOP LAUGHING’

he screamed.

‘It was an accident Patrick, David slipped and fell off the bridge, you tried to save him.’

Patrick could see David’s body like a sack of potatoes floating on the river Thames,

there had been flashes of blue light, people screaming and Patrick had tried to grab

his hand but couldn’t reach it in time. David had been messing around on the Millennium

Bridge he was only eleven years old, he wasn’t thinking about what he was doing.

‘Let the guilt go, you are now thirty years old, its the past and David has gone, let him

go. Why do you keep blaming yourself for his death’?

‘He was my best friend, my only friend.’ Patrick started to cry. ‘He had so much in

common with me. We grew up together. He was always there for me. He still is.’

Patrick wiped his tears away ‘I didn’t man to let go off his hand I was trying to save him’.

‘I know Patrick, I know you did try but it wasn’t your fault. This is the first step you have

made towards the road to recovery’.

Patrick walked out of the room rubbing his eyes, he could no longer hear David inside

his head, he felt the loss and grief of his friend going from his life, he was now truly

alone but onto mending from the trauma that he had kept hidden from everyone for so

many years.