If I had Known

If I had known, would I have done what I did?

        After my relationship with Dennis had ended I was fed up with men, dating and

looking for someone. Dennis was a friend of Kate; I had met him at her Christmas

party last year. He was a nice guy at first, but became possessive as he began to call

me every day to check where I was going. I felt trapped like a balloon tied to a chair

with him, so I finally ended it after four years.

I felt drained after the breakup, Kate felt responsible as it was her introduction, as

I stayed inside to watch television. Kate was persistent that I should go out and meet

someone as it had been a year, but I felt like I had nothing left to give. In July it was

her birthday and she was turning thirty and had her new boyfriend Mark. What did I

have?

I felt obliged that I had to attend; I could feel the butterflies starting to fly as I knew

questions would be asked at the party as the only single girl at thirty-five.

I arrived at her flat and was holding a large bouquet and my heels were killing me, I

felt panic at her flat and I was turning around to leave when I saw him.

‘Hi are you OK there’ he said.

I was mesmerized by his eyes, they were green and I felt as though I was swimming

in them. I could feel my bosom heaving standing next to him as he took the bouquet

from me.

‘Sandra you made it’ the spell was broken as I was hugged by Kate and ushered into

the party. I looked around to see if he was there, but the man had gone.

On entering her flat, there was a huge disco ball hanging from the ceiling and

streamers hanging from pictures and the banister. There was a huge balloon at the

back of the wall with a sign saying ‘Happy Birthday My Love Kate’. I could see

couples as they were holding hands and looking into each others eyes.  I felt

naked as they looked at me walking through the flat, I was introduced as the ‘single’

one and told to be ‘set up’. I could feel my cheeks turning red and my eyes starting to

fill with water.

‘Excuse me’ I hurried to the bathroom and there he was standing, the man who had taken the

bouquet from me. He was wearing jeans and blue jumper standing alone.

‘Don’t you hate these parties? There is always a queue for the bathroom’ he said.

I have never seen this man before at Kate’s parties as I rubbed my eyes slowly

hoping he would not notice the tears.

‘Are you OK? I don’t mean to be noisy but I could see how Kate was introducing you,

I know how you feel I myself have just become single. Perhaps we should wipe each

other’s tears’ he laughed. The voices in the room started to grow louder as I could

hear ‘Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Kate’ as they gathered around the

cake holding hands to wish her. Whose hand did I have to hold I thought?

I then felt his hand clasp mine and he said ‘Everything will be OK lovely’.

After I left the flat with number I skipped down the road feeling warmth in my heart.

Why hadn’t Kate introduced this guy to me before I thought?

Today was the day I was meeting him. I started to get flustered, I couldn’t help it. My

heart was beating furiously. I straightened my hair and put my best outfit on, a lovely

yellow dress and even shaved my legs! It had been over a year since I had met a man

and had forgotten what it felt like.

 I arrived at Liverpool Street station and it was crowed, commuters rushing, trains

arriving into platforms. The large timetable revolving for the arrivals and departures, 

I had arranged to meet him under the board and was nervous waiting for his arrival. I

turned towards the escalator and I felt like Elizabeth watching Darcy come down the

marshes in the Kiera Knighltly movie Pride and Prejudice.

‘Hi you been waiting long?’ he said.

‘No…..’I said.

‘How about we have coffee’ he said.

I gulped and couldn’t speak. We left the station and opposite was the sandwich shop

Prêt a Manger. I felt like slapping myself, as I could not seem to get a grip on reality

and felt like I was 16 years old again. My cheeks were flushed as he ordered the

drinks and sat down. I had forgotten how my emotions had impacted upon me on our

first meeting at the party. This time around the feelings were stronger as I could

hardly look into his eyes.

‘You look really nice, I heard from Kate that you recently broke up’ he said.

‘Thank you, yes it’s true’ I said. I could have kissed Kate for telling him.

‘I know how you feel pet; I have recently come out of a relationship’ he said.

‘How long were with you with her?’

He looked at me with a raised eyebrow, and leaned back.

‘Her, no him, my partner John’ he said.

I thought I had misheard, did he just say him? It was one of those moments where you

wished that the Earth would swallow you up or time would reverse back. My heart

felt like a knife had been stabbed into it and I felt embarrassed.

‘You will have no problem finding someone else; you are so pretty. You do realize

that don’t you? We should go out next week to a club I know’ he said as he held out

his hand and touched mine.

I felt relieved he had no ideas that my intention had been to ask him out and I looked

towards him into his lovely eyes. I felt lucky to have found a friend for life.