Revelation

Revelation

I watch him every day, I can hear my heart beating, racing in my chest as the time ticks as it is nearly 5pm. I wait in anticipation as he is going to come down the stairs and exit the building. I can see him come down the lift from my desk, his hair is glistening like diamonds in the sky and he carries the rucksack gently and softly like a baby in the lift.

I see the clients stop him as they pass, he is like a rock star they flock to him and he offers words of advice gently like a mother listening to a child and touches them attentively on their shoulder. His walk is military, like a soldier marching into battle, standing tall and firm as he walks straight out the building. He never notices me. I sit at my desk there every day in Glisson Grove Solicitor's waiting for him to leave. I have to see him go before I can leave to go home.

Mrs Gleason, he always calls me Mrs Gleason, how I have wanted so many times for him to call me Doreen. I am your Doreen, hold me I want to say, touch me or kiss me. I have started to wear my skirts low, tops short, and I wear my lipstick thick and apply my mascara in the morning for him, only for him.

I drop my paperwork near him and he picks it up apologising without realising that I drop it on purpose randomly on several different days only to smell his aftershave and to have him near my body.  My eyes do meet his and they are blue like the ocean calm and soothing. I feel like I am swimming in them for eternity but it is only a second. He hands the paperwork back and moves forward like an express train down the corridor. His suit is straight, crisp and immaculate. He does not see my heavy bosom, my sweaty palms as I hold the paperwork in my hands. He is the commander of the ship and we are his soldiers.

I brought him some flowers I left him last week at his desk, they are drooping in the background; the petals are falling down on the floor. I remember how he looked at the card like a business case and threw it away into the bin. I didn’t put my name on it, I couldn’t as I felt afraid that I would lose my job, but all I want is for him to know how much I like him. Christopher, Christopher his name and login to my computer account asI shyly type it.

7am everyday he comes in like a speeding train, I can sense when he is about to arrive and I am there to greet him with a coffee and croissant, his croissant is always almond. ‘Morning Mrs Gleason’ he says. I wish he would call me Doreen.  I take my camera out of my handbag and take a photo of him sitting in his office. He never knows I am doing it.  I keep the pictures of him under my pillow. Graham my husband is never there to notice them. He is always working late, busy to see me or to make me feel that I am special.

Christopher is wearing his suit it is blue today; it is my favorite one that he wears because it matches his eyes. He is writing away like a poet busy, precisely and carefully building his empire around him. I watch him there sitting wishing he would pay attention to me. He has no pictures on his desk; clean it is and neatly filed away papers. I have asked around the office if he has a girlfriend or wife but no one knows about his past or present.

He is a mystery, a perfect man how I want him so much, and for me to be his special person. Graham wouldn’t even notice that I have gone away. Mr Chaplin they call him and never Christopher. His colleagues never look at him in his eyes when talking, they follow his commands like a crew on a ship filing, writing and meeting clients.

I have to tell him, I have to let him know how I feel.  I cannot hide how I feel and I lay awake thinking about him, while Graham sleeps every night snoring away from the same book every day.  I know that Graham wouldn’t miss me, he doesn’t even notice I am in the house of that I have dressed up. He just falls asleep without even kissing me.

Today is the day, I have made my mind up to tell him how I feel. I wait outside the building for him to arrive and he walks quickly. He looks flustered and impatient and I start to follow him behind at a distance. I wonder what I am doing, what if he sees me.What if I lose my job?

But I cannot help to still follow, watching his long legs stride across the pathway towards near a park. It is a secluded area where they are not many people and it is shaded by trees. I hide near a tree, and can see that he starts to wave, but I can’t see who the person is. My heart drops down, my god I knew it, it’s his wife or girlfriend I knew he could not be single a man like that, his physique and intelligence as I watch at a distance.

I want to see who this woman is who had won his heart, as I stand behind a tree to watch, as he goes up to her. But it is not a woman, a girl of around sixteen wearing a short skirt and a uniform jumper. It must be his daughter so he has a daughter.

I watch them walk into the park as a I follow slowly behind, it is starting to get dark and I follow behind as I want to see where he lives. But they go deeper into the forest as I follow and see them go towards a large tree in the middle of the park. They stop there and I hide behind another tree. Why have they stopped there?

I watch at a distance as I start to see him putting his hand onto her leg as she starts to lean against the tree and slowly rubs it up into her skirt. My hand quickly goes to my mouth in horror, he is kissing her and I can hear her groans.  I can’t believe it. She is 16 years old! What is he thinking? Tears start to roll down my cheeks as I watch him start to make love to her in the park. I cannot stand to watch it anymore and I run through the to go back to Graham who I know has gone to sleep.