Disconnection

Smash, crash, men screaming, bullets flying, flashes in the air and dirt hitting my helmet as I

cowered in the bunker with my gun in my hand. The barbed wire was broken apart, like the

bodies that lay torn and dishevelled on the field ahead, torn by the continuous fire of the enemy

line. I had written a letter to Phyllis a week before, my mind separated between her love and the

brutality of war.

I remembered how I met Phyllis for the first time she had been at the bus stop. Her bag clasped

tightly and her hair had been flowing in the wind as I had watched as I did everyday. She was so

beautiful I just had to see her, she was wearing a floral dress with leaves on it and was tapping

her feet on the floor. That was the day that I was going to ask her out. So I did I went straight up

to the bus stop.

‘Hi my names is Derek, I watch you here everyday and I can’t stop thinking about you, would

you like to go out with me sometime?’ I had simply blurted out the words.

She looked at me with her eyebrow raised the right one and as though I was a madman and

said ‘No’ and then got onto the bus without me saying a word back to her.

` `

That was it then, the answer that I knew that I had to take was yes. So I waited for her everyday

at the same place and asked her the same question. ‘Hi my names is Derek, I watch you here

everyday and I can’t stop thinking about you, would you like to go out with me sometime?’ It was

the same line that I used for the last couple of weeks that came out but the same answer ‘no’.

But I persisted, isn’t that the way with women I thought, but I had actually had no previous

experience with women. So I decided to use the same question and then it came a few weeks

down the line when I asked her again.

‘Hi my names is Derek, I watch you here everyday and I can’t stop thinking about you, would

you like to go out with me sometime?’. This time round she said ‘Yes’.

I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do at this point when she said yes. But I remember that I

felt warm inside a feeling of contentment.

   We got married after a year later, I had asked her to marry me at the same bus stop which i

had seen her but I didn’t know that after that I wasn’t going to see her much after that. Due to

war breaking out in September 1939.

    On the radio news had been echoed around the world about how Hitler had invaded Poland

and after that Britain and France declared war on Germany. Our idyllic stable lives had been

transported to a war and a world that was unstable and fearful. I had been recruited into the line

of duty and I was only twenty- one.

‘ I have to go’ I said.

‘But I don’t want you to, what if something happens to you’. She said.

‘It won’t my darling’ as I held her close and stroked her hair. But inside my belly was churning as

I could feel perspiration on my back as I held Phyllis tighter.

  There was screaming of men, shouting and the bullets pounding, as I could see the sparks of

light flashing and the dirt crashing like hail stones into the bunker. The shooting were loud like

a drill which felt like it was going directly into my head.

‘Rejection boy, letter from the misses’. Said my colleague Reg whilst winking at me. He was

single and had a picture of a naked woman on his walls, which I always blushed on seeing.  The

only woman I had seen was Phyllis naked. They called me ‘rejection boy’ as they had heard

about how the story, it was all in gest and good humour. I opened up the letter but it wasn’t

from her it was from my mother:

‘Dear Son, Hope you are well, we all miss you greatly and pray this war to end. I don’t know

how to tell you this news, but Phyllis has passed away after giving birth to your son Jack. He is

beautiful Derek, he looks just like you. He was seven pounds, she died after giving birth

and myself and your father are doing our best to look after him for you to come back. I pray

for you and we have has to arrange the funeral for Phyliis because of you being in war. We

look forward in seeing you soon my darling son,

Your mother’.

 Phyllis…….Phyllis was dead and those words hit me like a bus hitting me full force, I could not

believe the words. She had told me in the last letter that she was pregnant and very happy,

I was also excited over the news of being a father. But now I had lost her and nothing made

sense anymore.

    Thump the sound of shellfire came down, ‘OH MY GOD’ Reg screamed as his voice

pieced and disappeared into the noises, in the same way his body did when it tore apart

like a banana peel. ‘GET DOWN’ the commander shouted. All I remember seeing

was dirt flying into the air like confetti and a burning smell and then darkness.

   My eyes were slowly coming into vision, whilst my body felt heavy like cement. I could see

white walls around me and hear people whispering. It was then the vision of my mother came as

she sat next to my bed.

‘Derek……’ she said as she wept crying ‘what has happened to you, my darling boy’.

‘Mr Crofton, good to see you old chap walking up, it was touch and go for a while, I

am the the burns consultant. You suffered severe burns to your leg and also some of your

face. But you are well enough to be discharged. We managed to patch you up old boy’. He

was an older man, wearing a white coat and trying to console my mother.

     My old bedroom has been kept the same, teddy bears of my youth, the horse and toys

that I had grown up with scattered around the room. But all I felt was my chest screwing up

I could hear voices in my head screaming and especially Reg’s last words ‘OH MY GOD’.

The words echoed in my mind and I had been unable to sleep several nights. I would sweat

at night and did not want to see Jack my baby boy. I felt numb and isolated as Phyllis

was gone and unsure as to how to pick my life up after the war had ended.

  All I could see was sometimes was the image of Phyllis at the bus stop waiting for me to

come and pick her up, and I could not wait to see her again. I drank the water and the pills went

down my throat. I knew that it wouldn't be long that I would be seeing her again.